A list gets web hits, so here’s one for you.
With summer here, it’s kid stuff to do.
Oh, oh the places we go.
We visit museums and libraries for scavenger hunts.
Then rate the Dunkins to grab vanilla lattes and lunch.
There’s a Stitch display we set up in a library case.
It’s stuff Lily had stored all over her grandpa’s place.
Lily says she’s loved “Lilo & Stitch” since she was three.
From the first time she saw the furry blue alien on DVD.
Stitch annoys adults, but kids find him funny.
For the Walt Disney Co. he sure makes lots of money.
Of course we saw the reboot, a matinee show.
But it’s time to let the rhyming scheme go.
See the estate of Dr. Seuss
Has attorneys on the loose.
So I’lll cease and desist
Let’s get to the list.
Visit a forest preserve
Frankly, forest preserves scare me.
Danish detective shows and German sci-fi series provide the gory details. Ticks are the least of your worries along a hiking trail.
That’s not to mention Grimm’s Fairy Tales, Fractured Fairy Tales or even Sondheim showtunes.
Luckily, forest preserves and other woodsy areas frequently have indoor nature centers. As but one example: we trekked to LeRoy Oakes Forest Preserve in St. Charles in March for Maple Sugaring Days.
The kids were vaguely into an outdoor demonstration of what a pain in the ass it is to make syrup. They were more interested in hanging out in a model of a fox den inside the center.
Praise the Lord, they weren’t too keen on testing how thick the ice was on a pond, like some dumbasses were doing.
That’s not to say the kids I know don’t like the outdoors. Or aren’t, on occasion, dumbasses. In a wooded area by a library near where I live, these three like to use sticks and branches to build forts. Beavers would be proud of their work. Ones that don’t go in the water.
Here’s a list of forest preserves in Illinois: https://guides.library.illinois.edu/ilforestpreserves/illinoisforestpreservedistricts
Take up disc golf
This is way better than teaching kids how to golf with clubs, as disc golf courses are typically free to play. Even if you get fancy – like buying way too many discs and a tote bag for them – the equipment is way cheaper than golf, too.
Sure, there’s no beer cart. But you’re with kids, for cripes sake. Also, you can smoke a cigar while playing, and the kids can eat candy. I mean, they can have healthy snacks.
So find a course that’s kid friendly – meaning it has wide open fairways, not ones surrounded by shrubs and trees (see above stuff about forest preserves). That’s based on experience.
Two buddies and I tried out a couple courses recently. We had to deploy a drone with an infrared camera several times to find our discs in the heavy brush. They made the fairways so narrow, you basically had to roll your disc bowling ball style down them, lest you risk being mocked by raccoons and squirrels.
A good many disc golf players seem as if they used to play hacky sack – or they come from stock that did. They tend to bring their dogs along – if the course allows – and dress like a Grateful Dead tribute band.
This is The Big Lebowski of recreation. Grade school kids probably won’t get that reference. They still like Scooby Doo, so go with that one.
I’ve also been told that some players call disc golf “frolf,” a contraction of Frisbee and golf, because words are just too long for kids these days.
Here’s a list of courses across the USA: https://udisc.com/courses
Teach them to play pickleball
All of a sudden, everywhere you look, every failed furniture store, every formerly empty tennis court is now serving up pickleball.
Senior citizens seem to be attracted to the game, and so are kids. That makes pickleball a good intergenerational thing to do.
Plus, kids love it when grandpa falls on his ass or skins his knee. It makes for great videos.
Sure, the rules are a little complicated. I’m still not sure why they call the space closest to the net the kitchen, which you’re supposed to stay out of. I have yet to see food being prepared there.
But complicated rules can help build attention spans made short by social media.
Also, in some subdivisions the neighbors complain about the noise of the pickleballs doinking off paddles.
Apparently these whiners have never taken kids to see the XQ premium presentation of “Lilo and Stitch”; been to a live show like 360 Allstars, where the performers encourage kids to yell, clap and scream at their antics; experienced the sensory overload that is an indoor playground;; or used a walker made of PVC to keep up with kids on rollerskates at a rink playing old school disco ditties.
Making anti-pickleball people complain is fun to do. And it gives the complainers their purpose in life. It’s a win-win for everyone.
Here’s a list of places to play pickleball: https://www.pickleheads.com/
Visit a playground
I must warn you about this one. Bones have been broken on swings and monkey bars. Another instance involved a mysterious fall from the top of a slide.
Kid stuff happens.
Still, we’ve been to so many parks, we’re thinking of putting together a Michelin-style guide to rate them. But we haven’t. (See the next suggestion).
Here’s a list: https://www.accessibleplayground.net/playground-directory/pg/2/?cn-cat=28&cn-s
Write a book or make a movie
The kids and I have had a book in the works for at least four years. We’re calling it the Dilly Dally Dawdlers.
As for the movie, anyone with a phone can make one, right? The trio I know would be good in a kid version of Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs.
Don’t let them talk you into doing a short piece for TikTok. They need to learn about narrative. The world doesn’t need any more influencers and definitely not another parent torture song like Sigma Boy.
Watch heavy equipment demolish a mall
The malls are dropping like pounds do on Ozempic.
Kids love Legos, not only to build stuff, but to wreck what each other has built, then fight about it.
Watching a mall being demolished could inspire a career choice.
Also, if they’ve been bad, you can lie and say the reason the mail is coming down is because of how they behaved the last time they were in Kohl’s.
March in a parade
We did this on St. Patrick’s Day weekend, In fact, we marched in two parades.
Parades are a bit like living social media feeds. Some last as long as a trip down a friendly Facebook rabbit hole – if there is such a thing.
Kids get exercise and feel powerful deciding who will get the candy or other stuff they are handing out to the throngs.
Of course, you’ll need to know somebody who knows somebody to arrange this. That’s what adults do.
Here’s a list: https://www.chicago.gov/city/en/depts/dca/supp_info/parades.html
